šŸ”’ SUS Shield achieved 100% threat mitigation for the 847th consecutive day. View security report
47 SERVICES

Cloud Infrastructure That Works

Every service works. Every time. This should make you suspicious.

47 Services

Why 47? Because 46 wasn't enough and 48 felt greedy. We counted twice. Still 47.

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SUS Compute

Virtual machines that actually run.

  • Instances that start when you click "Start"
  • CPUs that compute things
  • RAM that remembers
  • Auto-scaling that actually works
99.99% Uptime (Suspicious)
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SUS Storage

Your data goes somewhere. We know where.

  • Data that stays where you put it
  • Retrieval that retrieves
  • Backups that back up
  • Durability: Yes
99.999% Durability (Very Suspicious)
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šŸ›”ļø

SUS Shield

Security so good we don't fully understand it.

  • DDoS mitigation that mitigates
  • WAF that fires (appropriately)
  • Zero-trust (we don't even trust ourselves)
  • Encryption: Very yes
100% Threat Mitigation (Extremely Suspicious)
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šŸ—„ļø

SUS Database

It stores things. And retrieves them. Accurately.

  • Queries that return correct data
  • Transactions that transact
  • ACID compliance (the good kind)
  • Replication that replicates
99.98% Availability (Suspiciously Available)
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All 47 Services

We counted. Twice. Still 47. This is suspicious.

Compute (7 services)

  • SUS Compute
  • SUS Functions
  • SUS Containers
  • SUS Kubernetes
  • SUS Batch
  • SUS Instances
  • Quantum Flux Array

Storage (8 services)

  • SUS Storage
  • SUS Block
  • SUS Archive
  • SUS Glacier (not cold)
  • SUS File
  • SUS Backup
  • SUS Cache
  • Prefabulated Amulite Vault

Database (6 services)

  • SUS Database
  • SUS Redis
  • SUS Postgres
  • SUS MongoDB (but relational)
  • SUS Graph
  • SUS Time Series

Networking (8 services)

  • SUS CDN
  • SUS Load Balancer
  • SUS DNS
  • SUS VPC
  • SUS Transit
  • SUS Direct Connect
  • Inverse Packet Disambiguator
  • Hydrocoptic Marzlevane

Security (7 services)

  • SUS Shield
  • SUS Secrets
  • SUS Identity
  • SUS Certificates
  • SUS Firewall
  • SUS Audit
  • Reciprocating Dingle Arm

Developer Tools (6 services)

  • SUS CI/CD
  • SUS API Gateway
  • SUS SDK
  • SUS CLI
  • SUS Terraform
  • Drawn Reciprocation Unit

Analytics (5 services)

  • SUS Analytics
  • SUS Search
  • SUS Logs
  • SUS Metrics
  • Modial Interaction Engine

Total: 47 services. Verified. Suspicious.

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