47 SERVICES
Cloud Infrastructure That Works
Every service works. Every time. This should make you suspicious.
SUS Compute
Virtual machines that actually run.
- Instances that start when you click "Start"
- CPUs that compute things
- RAM that remembers
- Auto-scaling that actually works
99.99%
Uptime (Suspicious)
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SUS Storage
Your data goes somewhere. We know where.
- Data that stays where you put it
- Retrieval that retrieves
- Backups that back up
- Durability: Yes
99.999%
Durability (Very Suspicious)
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SUS Shield
Security so good we don't fully understand it.
- DDoS mitigation that mitigates
- WAF that fires (appropriately)
- Zero-trust (we don't even trust ourselves)
- Encryption: Very yes
100%
Threat Mitigation (Extremely Suspicious)
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SUS Database
It stores things. And retrieves them. Accurately.
- Queries that return correct data
- Transactions that transact
- ACID compliance (the good kind)
- Replication that replicates
99.98%
Availability (Suspiciously Available)
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All 47 Services
We counted. Twice. Still 47. This is suspicious.
Compute (7 services)
- SUS Compute
- SUS Functions
- SUS Containers
- SUS Kubernetes
- SUS Batch
- SUS Instances
- Quantum Flux Array
Storage (8 services)
- SUS Storage
- SUS Block
- SUS Archive
- SUS Glacier (not cold)
- SUS File
- SUS Backup
- SUS Cache
- Prefabulated Amulite Vault
Database (6 services)
- SUS Database
- SUS Redis
- SUS Postgres
- SUS MongoDB (but relational)
- SUS Graph
- SUS Time Series
Networking (8 services)
- SUS CDN
- SUS Load Balancer
- SUS DNS
- SUS VPC
- SUS Transit
- SUS Direct Connect
- Inverse Packet Disambiguator
- Hydrocoptic Marzlevane
Security (7 services)
- SUS Shield
- SUS Secrets
- SUS Identity
- SUS Certificates
- SUS Firewall
- SUS Audit
- Reciprocating Dingle Arm
Developer Tools (6 services)
- SUS CI/CD
- SUS API Gateway
- SUS SDK
- SUS CLI
- SUS Terraform
- Drawn Reciprocation Unit
Analytics (5 services)
- SUS Analytics
- SUS Search
- SUS Logs
- SUS Metrics
- Modial Interaction Engine
Total: 47 services. Verified. Suspicious.
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